tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post227221220026498093..comments2011-02-15T05:01:02.297+00:00Comments on The Diary of a Secret Writer: No Kiss BlogfestKiara Goldinghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17135223368418435374noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-71827723247386016882011-01-04T22:11:08.323+00:002011-01-04T22:11:08.323+00:00All commenters: Thank you so much for your feedbac...All commenters: Thank you so much for your feedback! It means a lot to hear your opinions about the scene and what I did well, as well as what I need to work on.<br /><br />J.C. Martin: It's a dystopian Wonderland in real life. A new twist on the idea with my own characters, and their own struggles in the completely different world, which was torn apart by a nuclear disaster. Yes, I agree this still needs quite a bit of editing to do.<br /><br />Raquel: I wished I could post so much more, but I knew I had to keep it short. Your enthusiasm to see more gives me hope! <br /><br />Kelly: I'm glad you said about the interactions, I was worried the emotion wouldn't get through between the characters.<br /><br />Tricia: I'm relieved Elliot's character came across, as that was what I really wanted to work on, especially with it being my first attempt at writing from a male perspective. <br /><br />Frankie: I'm glad you liked it. Thanks so much for hosting the blogfest and giving me an oppurtunity to show my work.<br /><br />Amalia: That was another thing I wanted to bring across - Alice's struggle compared to Elliot's reassurance. I thought it was one of the best scenes to show the relationship between the characters, and how over the novel Alice has come to rely on Elliot, when she tried not in the beginning. I'm thrilled that the reasoning worked out, I was concerned it wouldn't work.<br /><br />Loralie: I'm pleased my scene stood out for you! I love that you could like both Elliot and Alice, even with Elliot being the dominant voice in the scene.<br /><br />Melissa: Like I said to J.C. Martin, it's a dystopian Wonderland, set in a world broken by a nuclear disaster. The series is about my Alice trying to get past all these problems in her Wonderland, and reach a place where she's finally happy in herself.Kiara Goldinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17135223368418435374noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-41785030254976168672011-01-04T04:27:12.694+00:002011-01-04T04:27:12.694+00:00How bittersweet. This was really well done. I'...How bittersweet. This was really well done. I'm curious to know how it relates to Alice in Wonderland. I love Alice so I always give "inspired by" stories a chance!Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12096764010151024050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-75813114741147345372011-01-03T18:20:51.340+00:002011-01-03T18:20:51.340+00:00This is so different from the rest of what I'v...This is so different from the rest of what I've raed, and I love the way you did the no kiss bit. The characters are fascinating and I felt for both of them. Great read ^_^Loralie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07134452749240292803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-15707705070608290142011-01-03T17:16:13.104+00:002011-01-03T17:16:13.104+00:00I guess it's a mark of good writing that you c...I guess it's a mark of good writing that you can extract a short passage and a fresh reader can have a real sense of character and involvement. (I connected just fine!) Sad, poignant, engaging. What more could we want?<br /><br />:Dom (<a href="http://www.dominicdemattos.blogspot.com/2011/01/no-kiss-blogfest.html" rel="nofollow">My No Kiss</a>)Dominic de Mattoshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05171145945316152596noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-27006907091938369142011-01-03T06:26:12.221+00:002011-01-03T06:26:12.221+00:00Definitely bittersweet. She really seems to be str...Definitely bittersweet. She really seems to be struggling and it sounds like he's doing everything he can to help her work through it. I love his reasoning for not wanting to kiss her there, too.Amalia Dillinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13005039978668326144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-51136175478298999332011-01-03T04:35:26.761+00:002011-01-03T04:35:26.761+00:00This was a very emotional sweet one! Nicely done!!...This was a very emotional sweet one! Nicely done!!Frankie Diane Mallishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06066659801542129040noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-51900841933192957332011-01-03T03:22:06.542+00:002011-01-03T03:22:06.542+00:00I love how caring Eliott is. That comes through ev...I love how caring Eliott is. That comes through even though you've dropped us in mid-story and removed spoilers. There's poignancy in this.Tricia J. O'Brienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05993110400088806252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-59395659316410856052011-01-03T01:44:19.762+00:002011-01-03T01:44:19.762+00:00I agree with Raquel. There was a ton of emotions g...I agree with Raquel. There was a ton of emotions going on here- I liked how he talked to her and their interactions. Nice job.Kelly Lymanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773120663217816189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-22864983752600107472011-01-03T01:14:08.241+00:002011-01-03T01:14:08.241+00:00This was such an emotion packed scene. I really li...This was such an emotion packed scene. I really liked the softness to it. Wished there was more to read... =)<br /><b><a href="http://nitewriter6.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow">Edge of Your Seat Romance</a></b>Raquel Byrneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12870113745683162915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-6051462565092080922011-01-02T23:50:31.813+00:002011-01-02T23:50:31.813+00:00Sad but sweet. I'm intrigued now how the story...Sad but sweet. I'm intrigued now how the story compares to Alice in Wonderland. I agree with Jessica though that some sentences could do with a little tightening up, but you've got a pretty good story here!J.C. Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01567971311643106302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-15589140519142810952011-01-02T22:08:25.266+00:002011-01-02T22:08:25.266+00:00Jessica: Yeah, I need to edit it fully. But it'...Jessica: Yeah, I need to edit it fully. But it's at the bottom of my editing pile for now, seeing as it's the most recent thing I've written. Still, I thought the scene was perfect for the blogfest! I'll definitely remember those when I go back and edit it.<br /><br />I'm really glad you liked that! I think it's good to hear the real intentions behind it, instead of only the dialogue which you get in Alice's POV. It really shows his character. <br /><br />There were so many little lines I had to cut out to stop it from spoling the plot! But I'm thankful that the interest is there - that means I'm doing something right! Thanks for the comments and crits, Jessica.<br /><br />Devin: That was just what I was going for; I wasn't quite sure if I'd hit it enough, but at least I know that was only me being overly critical.<br /><br />I know what you mean, it's such a short scene, it's harder to build up the sense of character, especially as it's taken from the context of an entire novel instead of just one scene. But that's something to work on for next time! <br /><br />Thanks for the advice, Devin! :)Kiarahttp://diaryofasecretwriter.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-19766358992546658862011-01-02T21:45:35.572+00:002011-01-02T21:45:35.572+00:00I really enjoyed this. The fact that he wanted to ...I really enjoyed this. The fact that he wanted to kiss her but didn't was lovely. The scene was touching but sad that the same time. <br /><br />The only problem I had is that I couldn't quite connect to the characters and I really wanted to! <br /><br />It's really good, though. :)Devin Bondhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02778910287345364738noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-15040775159111916442011-01-02T21:30:31.369+00:002011-01-02T21:30:31.369+00:00I saw a few places that seemed a bit wordy to me (...I saw a few places that seemed a bit wordy to me (like "how pale her skin had become in the dim shadow..." could've been "how pale her skin looked in the dim shadow..."). I would cut down on the use of "were" just so you can replace it with stronger verbs. <br /><br />I loved the introspection and the sweetness in his intentions. I liked how he WANTED to kiss her, but also didn't want to. Totally different than I was expecting :)<br /><br />I'm so interested to know who this alive person is!Jessica Silvahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15405267450788581689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-47093561280515363632011-01-02T20:44:25.528+00:002011-01-02T20:44:25.528+00:00Sonia: I'm pleased you said that, because I wa...Sonia: I'm pleased you said that, because I was worried the scene leaned too much towards being soft and gentle without properly acknowledging that there was sadness behind it as well. <br /><br />They're investigating a company which they know played a role in a nuclear power plant explosion which broke down society. Alice is reacting the way she is because the person they discovered working for the company was one of the only people she trusted before the explosion, and she never thought he would be associated with something which killed so many people.<br /><br />It's dystopian YA with scientific themes. I know I haven't given much away here, but I'm glad the scene can stand well on its own!Kiarahttp://diaryofasecretwriter.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7605033899425840109.post-65222354701781013852011-01-02T20:21:59.646+00:002011-01-02T20:21:59.646+00:00It is sad but sweet at the same time. Bittersweet....It is sad but sweet at the same time. Bittersweet. What is so bad what him working for them? Who is them?Soniahttp://storytreasury.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.com